“The moment when the words came to life and jumped onto the page”

My Writing Epiphany –

It was a moment; a very specific moment that was in an instant bathed in calm refection. There was a self-recognition of completeness, likened to a sporting stance, teetering on the edge of a diving board, prosed in determination on the starting line, eager to release a preparedness of skill and physical sculpturing into perfect display. In my case, drama and character’ to wherever the willing could be found. Having confronted the untidiness sprawling across my desk; unrelated phrases, random sentences and paragraphs highlighted in standout colour coded prompts, referencing their position within my manuscript, I began tapping on the keyboard with somewhat assured confidence.

The First Draft –

It was a process that mainly took place in the wee hours; starting late or arising early, while the men and the dogs snored obliviously unaware of my new nightshift commitment. It came over me as a body of water would if unleashed by a crumbling dam; rushing through and drowning all that lay before. Once flowing’ the words and emotion tumbled out, landing a little precariously onto the page. The descriptions and the passion were very much in the moment, with little thought as to how each section, whether it be past or present, a ravenous sex scene, or a heart-breaking sufferance, contributed to the bigger picture.

My mind was devoid of other matters. The process of creating was manna from heaven, breathing new life into my flesh and bones, feeding my soul, delivering a strange kind of contentment, one previously unknown. I should say, the loosely organised chaos worked for me, allowing me to push on unhindered and restrained by a pre-planned structure. My words were led by emotion, memory and the places where my tears took me…the miracle to me was that I was able to recognise at what point I should beaver the dam, pick up each part of the puzzle and connect the threads of the story.

Making sense of timelines, ensuring momentum, continuing intrigue, and avoiding repetition, being the most challenging aspects. My style was disorderly, immature and rather disconnected. However, as a first-time author when it mattered most’ my broken skeleton, seemingly dead as dead can be, was given life. A publisher said yes and took the hand of my skeleton, and it stood tall.

From Blank Page To Breathing Story –

From hesitation to creation – how a simple idea evolved into something real.

Truths have been there from the very beginning. A child in a dark place, abandonment, despair and solitude that lends itself to a fervent imagination. A place of comfort is a place where words and cries are shared and ostensibly heard, and memories mature into stories, and a story becomes a novel. Only opportunity, desire and a free and hungry mind can turn yearning into action. Timing is everything. Sometimes for truth to become free, someone must die. There can be no guilt, an author needs courage and conviction to write what is banging within the cortex begging to be told. Everyone has a story at heart, their story, truth or lies, fantasy or boring reality. For my debut novel there is conflation of all the above. From simple ideas, rags to riches, hated to loved, restrained to powerful, from pain to freedom, and from defeated too triumphant. All that sits within the heart and guts of each of us and makes for a good story.

Overcoming Writer’s Block –

Does every writer experience writers block? … and with every book? I hope to be able to answer my own question one day. My debut novel was close too home and my personal investment too vivid to ignore. The skeleton in the closest, literally needed burying, but not in the sense of hiding away something shameful but rather’ making use of something that continues to rear its ugly head and making it subservient and useful. I came to find writing very much a cathectic process and never had a moment where I stalled and beat myself around the head in frustration, joggling for thoughts. There is plenty enough to work through, editing, clarity and continuity and the frustrations come fast and furious near to completion when noticing how much of the manuscript does not fit, is not impactful and is found to be in the wrong place. Maybe writers block will become my companion and nemesis on the journey of my next novel.

The Vulnerability Of Expression –

It is a strange thing to want people unknown to you to hear your most private thoughts and expressions, whether they are born from fiction or non-fiction. Throughout the whole process of writing, I was acutely aware of how much of myself I was revealing. My analytical confidant sat in my ear in judgment, questioning my direction, fearful there would be frowns and snubs from the boundaries I had set with intimate descriptions, the raw language I deemed necessary to embellish my characters experiences and the childhood horrors that some of my readers may find distasteful. Despite my sensibilities screaming, recklessness and vulnerability, the freeing of my interred being is the charioteer that seeks glory and success. ‘Letting go’ brought me closer to what I needed, to what we all need, …. understanding and attention.

Advice For Aspiring Writers –

‘Be true to yourself, whether that be your gut instinct, your style of writing or fear of how others will react. There will always be time to reflect on your work, and if need be, trim the harsh edgers, consider the impact on others and yourself, leaving your finished manuscript as you aspired and without lasting regrets. My biggest take away advice as a novice writer is that there will be others editing, recommending and pointing out your mistakes. At first it was difficult to accept, but I came to see outside support as invaluable and a means to improve and broaden my skills. Allow the views of others to shape your work. There may be no substitute for experience, but we can individually find our place and grow.’

” Remembering the day I visited the Shakespeare and Company Bookshop in Paris (1998)”

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